ephemeral insanity: 01/01/2005

1.29.2005

Gackt Mania all over me.

I spent the day surfing the net for some j-rock stuff...and well...i got myself to read and visit a super Gackt fansite...named Cool Like Plastic. While i was reading it I laughed so hard at the webmistress's comments (Oh god she's cool) and Gackt's...er....things. I was fond of Gackt's notions towards Hyde....i think i can finally get a replacement for you, Tetsu, since you've been starting to feed Ken that lollipop...

It was our outbound activity yesterday (ooh yeah!)! we went to this place called Majayjay (pronounced as mahay-hay) where there was this waterfall and Sir Macky looked like a monkey in a cave. Anywhoo, we went there and took a dip in that lake-ish thingy (don't know what that's called, where the water from the waterfall lands or something) and the water was goddamn cold! Like you're taking a bath in ice water! And the mist was like the one when you open the freezer door...but it was good...it was also soo slippery, only if it was Gackt/Hyde/Liam/my eraser/Kazuya who was going to catch me, i'd be glad to slip.

I spent the day also downloading a whole lot of songs. I checked my list and i saw i already download like...140+ songs or something. :D and all are j-rock/pop..

Oh well...what else? I read the translations for Vanilla, one of my most favorite songs by Gackt, and when i saw the transaltions i screamed in surprise. It was soooooo....*mad fangirl laugh*. Basta. It was just so...er...surprising. I agree with Francesca Code-san (webmistress for CLP) that Gackt...is...a *tooooooooooooooot*...hahahaha...Gackt's ga*ku*to and his goddamn tight pants......*dies laughing*

Well, what else is there? I was supposed to go to the Ateneo fair today, but my parents didn't let me since they said i had low grades. My grades range from 81-91...and they still think those are low. Oh well....oh well oh well oh well...that's why i hate Chemistry and Geometry and Advance Algeb...

Also, i'm not having the best of luck in the area of creativity today...my ideas for HakuKuchi are all...er...scattered or something...i can think of ideas but i don't know how to place them. i can't even draw well...and that S_ _ _ _ story's been bugging my head for the past days...........i need inspiration for HakuKuchi~!!!

And I am still not able to watch Moon Child. ARGH!

Current Music: Endless Rain -- X Japan

1.25.2005

Well...er...

I was reading this fanfic -- fic -- called er... the title started with the letter 's'. Basta ganun. At first i was really amused by it, you know, by the first few chapters. I even wrote 'CHECK ON: kamichama cain SDCross Syuura Aku-Tenshi Sakura-Crisis S__ __ __ __' on those post-its i use and post on the computer (since usually for the whole day I'm stuck in front of the computer doing stuff). But when I continued to read it just earlier i sort of got tired of it -- like it was just the same, things happening over and over again....the narrative got sort of tiring and...umm...icky. Er...yeah. I'm a little bit queasy when it came to those descriptive stuff (can't blame me i'm still young :P)...so i just got really tired of it and quit reading it. I think if all (well..probably some) of the smut is to be erased it'd be a much easier read for me. And don't even try the 'rating' comeback -- saw that and i was fully aware of it. The author started to bother me a bit too.

I'll tell Chi-san not to read it...i told her earlier that morning to, since it thought it was sooo good and all. Aiya.

Un. It's weird that everybody's going offline after just a short time...or maybe that's because i'm always online...so i feel weird about that... tonikaku, nothing much has been happening...except for this so-called 'war' in our class. Aiya, people here like to make a big fuss out of little things...stupid little idiots -- if they read this i'll probably be dead by the next morning. Oh well.

I've been asking my friends for suggestions on a pose that'd be good to draw. Well, i'm not capable of thinking of a good pose (i can't even draw as good as i used to be since i haven't drawn for a while), so i've been asking around... and...er...

I was supposed to print my story today (two of my friends started to ask for it) but i found it sort of troubling since i have to print all 20+ pages of it (still ongoing)..all at the same time. The HP thing i did was a bit more acceptable since i printed it...er...in intervals...

Oh, i also have the feeling that i have to catch up to the j-rock world. :D Can't blame me -- just discovered this stuff a few months back. :D

Er..........................can't wait for god child to come here or something. :d Oh, i also saw hyde with the curly hair (like that person from Angel Sanc)...that sort of creeped me out a whole lot.

Current Music: C'est la Vie -- L'Arc~en~Ciel

1.22.2005

Aiya~!!!!!!

Oh my, i got to read SDC chapter 5 today and OMG! Maora-chan's a BOY! a cross-dressing boy! NOoooooOOOooo!!! even though I want Maguri-kun to end up with Shizu-sama, Maguri-kun should still have a girl alternative! And I was hoping that Maora-chan was going to be that alternative!!! *cries in the background* The only thing is missing is that Tanemura-sensei goes and tells us USHIO's a boy too! Oh maaaaaaaan...~!....kawaiisou Haine!

Well, anyway, it was still a very good chapter (of course, with the OMG they're so pretty!!! hizumasa/Maguri cover (pretty boy shounen-ai~ *squeal*))...Haine-chan became the platinum. Oh, I must say Maguri-kun and Shizu-sama look absolutely yummy in the cover...aiya, pretty boys... *squeal*

Still can't get Shizu/Maguri out of my head, although I'm rooting for Haine. I'm actually surprised Ribon allows shounen ai...oh, btw, the english title is cool...like, Shinshi Doumei Cross: The Gentlemen Alliance. When I saw that my jaw dropped, like OMG what a cool title! The title for my own manga's Hakushi Kuchizuke: Chance Kiss ...hee hee hee.....

We made our puppets today (?), and Oogie Boogie looks kakkoi. :D And we had a sort-of-movie marathon at my friend Chi-san's house (cool house!)...we watched Gothika, then My Sassy Girl, then A Tale of Two Sisters...

Nga pala, I saw Gackt videos and Laruku videos courtesy of my friend, Chi-san. Ah, Gackt looks soooo kakkoi!! Especially in Mizerable and Vanilla (my favorite videos)! I like Gackt's prince-like outfit (and the black one he wears in the desert)...and he looks so pretty/handsome. I also like him in Vanilla, where he has his hair colored blonde and all spiked up...so kakkoi, it suits him well. He still looks pretty. (Ah~! Kakkoi to utsukushii Gackt-san!)

The Gackt video that made me laugh so hard was Kimi no Tameni Dekiru Koto...and that's one of my most favorite songs from him. I laughed so hard when I saw him (ending-ish part, where he was walking down the stairs past the girl), when he paused, then sang. I don't know why, but that really cracked me up.

My favorite video so far, from Laruku, is Pieces. Ah, I love that song. I really do. And when I saw the video i loved it more. There was this scene with the revolving door, where Tetsu (he looks sooo cute in Snow Drop and Heaven's Drive and Driver's High...etc...) and Hyde (looks so childish in Snow Drop...i don't like his hair in Kasou, and he also dances weirdly there in Kasou...) got into the same...er...cell (?) of the revolving door. Then hyde placed his chin on Tetsu's shoulder (made me squeal) and whispered sweet -- oops, sorry -- something to Tetsu...then we see Tetsu's eyes widen and he slides down to the floor, with his hand on the glass panel of the revolving door...with this expression on his face...like 'Ah...'...

Turns out hyde stabbed Tetsu with a cursed knife. When I saw that scene it made me giggle and squeal and other fangirlish sounds.........

Oh, I also hate Gackt for getting only foreign girls for his videos (dammit one even got to kiss him! SHE GOT TO KISS GACKT, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! And she's the girl from Laruku's Honey! (another favorite song))...and his stupid dances, although i'm really amused by them. Hyde dances weirdly/stupidly too...

And I felt sort of betrayed when I saw Tetsu feed Ken a lollipop (Ken did the same). Like Tetsu betrayed hyde! AAAAAH!

I think the shounen-ai fever has got me.

Current Music: Fly Me to the Moon -- Utada Hikaru

1.21.2005

It hurts so much...

It's a quarter to four in the morning. I woke up and couldn't sleep again because I was too busy thinking about my wallet. I hope, i really do, that the person who got it at least give the wallet itself back to me -- just the wallet and its contents. I don't care if he/she gets the money. I want my wallet back. I've prayed to God so many times...and i just cried a few minutes ago because of it. I really did learn my lesson; i really did...so lord i hope you heard me...please give me my wallet back.

I can't think about anything else. My wallet just keeps on popping right into my head. And only if I haven't been so stubborn I wouldn't have lost it -- if i just talked to my mom while we were in the car I wouldn't have lost it -- if I just did that it would still be with me. If i still had it i would be able to go to my friend's birthday bash. If i still had it i would've been able to do so many things. I just hope that i get my wallet back. I pray to get my wallet back.

I can't go back to sleep even though my eyes are killing me. They hurt, and i've been yawning, but i don't care, since i really, really want my wallet back. Please give me my wallet back.... I promise I'll try harder this quarter...i'd stop drawing during classes.........................

1.20.2005

This. Is. The. Worst. Day. Ever. In my entire life.
.
I got my grades today, four subjects sunk (three by one point, one by two). I also lost my wallet today, right in front of our house. (which has 60 dollars and a 2 thou pesos i think). It has my national card, my vip card at powerstation, my BANDFEST TICKETS (costing 350 all), my pictures, my card at timezone, my discount cards from gloria jeans and san francisco coffee, my extra id pic...everything was there. oh god, i lost soo much money i locked myself inside our car and cried. And i lost all of this because i was too goddamn stubborn.

damn it, i hate myself.

i even prayed to god that it was alright for him to bring my wallet back and kill me instead. he didn't agree to that one, so i take it back, and i just hope the person who got my wallet brings it back.

or is at least very thankful that he got it.

Damn it, it's the THIRD time.

i really hate myself now.

I got a truckload of sermons from my mom...my dad is currently away, in bacolod or something. If he knew i'd get another thousand sermons...it's my fault....lord have mercy on me...

My mom grounded me from the computer originally -- i told her if it was alright for me to be banned from the tv instead. she hadn't replied, though...and i am still at a loss for losing so much money. damn it.

Oh, and i cried in front of my teachers that day -- i was really scared that i wasn't in the potential os list again....so i was, but i was so nervous that i cried. aiya...see, this is the worst day............

Aiya...my eyes hurt from all that crying...i think i've cried for two hours straight or something...

I'll go now. :D

Current Music: Kimi no Tameni Dekiru Koto -- Gackt

1.15.2005

I finally have a rest day!! Thank you, Lord!

After a stressful set of weeks, I, finally, have a rest day. I absolutely thank you, Lord.

The playfest was over -- it was last Thursday, January 13. We were the opening, and thank god too, since after we performed the crowd just went *SNOOOOOOOOOOORE*. When the final section was performing (there were six) three fourths of the batch left, so it was only our class, section 5, and a few exceptions. it was sort of ironic, since last intrams, section 5 was rooting for section 4, our sort of rival-ishiness, but who stuck with them to the end? We did.

I know that sounds arrogant but c'mon, we're just too kind. (<---now that's arrogant.)

I was sort of relieved last Thursday -- after all that i've gone through (of course not only me, the entire group), after all the losses we've suffered through, we managed to get nice comments. People from all around said that our play was nice, good and whatnot; when i heard all of those i felt so happy. Like i've/we've finally managed to get recognized for all my/our work. I just felt so happy.

Anywhoo, we have two other plays coming up; this time it was kin vs. kin. Our section's been halved. In Filipino (subject) the play's Anak ng Lupa, which my classmates chose me to direct. At first i wanted to decline; i thought I was being too er...mapapel, kasi ako ulit director. I thought I should let someone else shine. But then they insisted, i couldn't refuse, so i took up the job. This time my friend Monique's the one assisting me. Recently I asked her if we could exchange places -- she'd be the director and i'd be the assitant.

I asked her that since we have another play (earlier i said we had two). This time, it's a puppet/shadow play, and we're to adapt/make our own story. I asked the group (it's the same one in the Pinoi play) what story they wanted to adapt. I thought making a new story was just too much. So we named so many cartoons; Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas (my fave), Anastasia, Arthur, Hey Arnold and so on..., even James and the Giant Peach. Personally I wanted The Nightmare Before Christmas, but then i thought I was like pressuring everybody that we should do Nightmare Before Christmas. What if they really didn't want Nightmare Before Christmas, but just voted on it since I liked it? Aiya, i feel so bad. My friends (i hope) earnestly liked Nightmare; and so do the others who voted on it. Or else i would never feel right. I've been pushing Nightmare even at the CAE play..i feel soooooo bad.

Oh, I also feel so proud of myself today. ^_______________^. I cooked all my meals! By myself! (with additional help from our maid for cooking utensils and turning on the stove) I cooked my breakfast (choco chip pancakes), and cooked my lunch and dinner (tuna spaghetti (actually it's the spiraly-pasta thing))! Now i feel like I can live by myself; but i know i can't (yet), since I know i'm still dependent on people. I can't even commute. Aiya. My mom doesn't like me commuting...even though my dad and brother are pushing for the idea. i'm afraid i don't agree with that, since i'm really scared and I don't know what the hell to do.

lately I've been listening to Gackt. ^_________^ I just read the lyrics of December Love (Juunigatsu no Love Song) and he was soooooooooooo sweet. I think I've told you guys that already..............

Random Line:
Save your smile for me Even although you cried for me remember me and love me always Love, and smile for me Hold on to all that we had Remember me, and love me again...

I feel for you, Gackt. *fangirlish squeal*

I want to post some parts of my story (Hakushi Kuchizuke) here...er...I'll think about it. :D

Oh, I watched My Sassy Girl today, but I never got to see the ending. dammit. The cd was sort of broken or something.

Current Music: Anata -- L'arc~en~Ciel

1.09.2005

Finally I've calmed down.

Yesterday was a day that helped me calm down. I've talked to a friend and she was kind enough to hear me out, and when i heaved everything off my back i felt so much better. Gackt's songs also helped calm me down...i sang it loudly when i was alone at the house, and singing his songs made me feel better.

Also, when i finally read what December Love (Juunigatsu no Love Song)'s lyrics were it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Gackt can be so sweet.

So sweet that i made the line 'Save your smile for me' until 'love me always' my ym status. I felt so drawn to him after that. Even though I like Hyde better.

We're going out today, actually....even though i don't want to, and i have a Russian revolution assignment waiting to be done. I've done it partly, and so was that CAE thing...if we get home early i can do it and sleep for the next day. Somehow i feel that this weekend's much too short.

Tomorrow's the day we're going back to classes (wednesday to friday was spent in...intrams and palihan) and i hope i can gain more relief through that. And these are the days (mostly after intrams days) that i don't want to see anyone from the other sections, except the sections that have been on our side.

Gackt's voice is ringing in my ears...so kakkoi...now i'm hearing Kimi no Tameni Dekiru Koto. such a lovely song. Earlier I was hearing Kimi ga Matteiru Kara...then Hyde and L'arc came with Pieces. ah~, my favorite songs....:D Arigatou Chi-san for introducing me to j-rock. :D

last line for today:

Itsudatte kimi dake wa kawaranai de soba ni ite boku no ude de dakishimeta toki kara kono yokan ni kizuite kara.

1.08.2005

...the world just wants me to die, doesn't it?!

Goddammit, what the fuck did i do to deserve this shit, huh? I haven't done anything so bad that it would make the world hate me, did I? If i did at least tell me so i can try to work on it! Don't pour misfortune on me! I don't to live with this kind of stinking crap -- no one does!

I've been surfing the net just a few minutes (DSL connection) and suddenly, it all goes haywire. I mean, DSL connection!!!!!!! Why the fuck would i be having stupid problems like server can't be found?! sure that can be true, but COME ON!!!! I mean, I've been going to these sites for so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is already my only piece of salvation and you still want to ruin it! What the fuck did i do to deserve this, anyway?!

Goddammit all.

And my brother of mine's probably stuffing up my computer with crap like viruses! Stupid little idiot! You have your own computer so go stick with it and destroy it for all i care! Don't do it to mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you all, all of you people who hate me for no reason, who hate me without knowing who i really am. Stupid little people who prefer prejudice rather than the truth. I hope every little thing that you have done will come back to you once you grow up and make you start thinking how much of a bitch you are.

Thank you, dear friend, for taking time to read this. I also want to thank this very special friend of mine who had been there when i broke down yesterday.

1.07.2005

...I'm just so goddamn tired.

I was supposed to post this uber-long thing, but then my computer gave up on me, and it was erased, and let me sum it all up.

I don't want to type every little thing i wrote again. i'm wasting my time.

WE LOST THE CHAMPIONSHIP. OUR TEACHER SUDDENLY DECIDES TO TAKE AWAY THE EFFORT I HAVE PUT THROUGH IN MAKING A CLOSING THROUGH CANCELING THE CLOSING. THE WORLD JUST DOESN'T LIKE ME, OR US, AND EVERYBODY HATES US, AND NO ONE LIKES US, AND DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY TO TELL ME I'M TRYING TO BE AN ANGSTY TEEN, BECAUSE I HAVE REASONS TO BE ONE. I CAN PROVE THAT EVERYBODY (or most of the people) HATE US THROUGH THAT MATCH YESTERDAY (everybody just WANTS us to lose, don't they?! ha?! HA?!). IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, THEN WE DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER, SO SHUT UP AND GO THE HELL AWAY. unfortunately i have a friend who i really wanted to cheer her section on but unfortunately they HATE US, they want us to lose. even though i wanted to cheer for them i didn't because they goddamn hate us. tinitira nila kaming lahat. DON'T EVEN TRY TELLING ME I'M GODDAMN PARANOID. you're even lucky that I'm not using the usual amount of swearwords i use whenever i feel like the world goes down on me. SO IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY GO SHUT UP. and don't even think of reverberating that sentence back to me, because i'm plainly EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS, because apparently, CRYING IS AGAINST THE LAW! You know why?! Because people laugh at you and think that 'Ang babaw mo naman, laro lang yan iniiyakan mo!' I'm sorry all of you, but I take competitive stuff seriously, and being cheated and hated for no apparent reason is not fair, and i like to fight for my rights, thank you very much! NOW YOU GO AND STUFF THAT INTO YOUR EFFING PIPE AND SMOKE IT!

there. 'nuff said. my feet and legs are killing me, btw.

1.05.2005

Intrams Day 01

It's the first day of intramurals for our school, and as usual, i'm playing our native sport patintero. It's really fun, actually. It's a blast playing it...unless your foot already hurts from all that stomping around, trying to fool the guard. Oh well. We did really well though -- played all five matched with no losses. We won it all. Bad thing is we did win all but the fourth section was higher by us by a few points.

Dammit.

And our chalk color was PINK.

Goddamn effing pink.

Anywhoo, it was amusing earlier at the classroom, because we were fighting over characters from the Korean drama Lovers in Paris. I must say I'm a fan. :D Kitchie Nadal's song, Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin (I think that's the title anyway), was played while we were all resting inside our classroom. then this group beside us (we were lying on the floor eating Meiji Choco Baby pieces) started shouting "Martin! Martin!" which is the tagolized name ABS-CBN gave Soo-hyug. Then I started shouting "Carlo! Carlo!", which was the character Ki-joo. Then we just started shouting "Martin!" and "Carlo!" before my friend sungie_hyunie stood up and said "Basta ako si Donna!!" and we all laughed and stopped.
Then my mom said Park Shin-yang and Kim Jeung-un (don't know if that's spelled right) were really married in real life.
I laughed.

We had play practice today, starting to finalize the steps for the closing of the opening. Btw, it would really effing (this word sounds soooo gay) suck if the play was to start 20 something=something. I mean, we've been practicing, dammit!!!!!! PRACTICING!

Anywhoo....me and my friend sungie_hyunie stayed late at school (we left probably 7:10, i think...).....and we just ate there and talked.

Nothing really has happened that much...with the exception of the intrams thing. :D

I'm off to do my thing.....er...write Hakushi Kuchizuke and my Sirius/OC (Aurora) ficcie...ja, mata ne!

1.01.2005

Happy New Year!!!!..?

Ah, January 1...the day wherein we have our family reunion....

This is usually the day wherein we get our gifts and aguinaldos from our relatives in my father's side...then we have games and all, and we toss coins....usual reunion stuff.

This year i got picked as one who'd play a game, some relay thing. We were supposed to build a pyramid out of beer cans (4-3-2-1) then clap, then destroy the whole thing, run back to the line....the first team to finish would get 200 pesos each as a prize. It was girls against boys, and i must say the boys were...alcohol intoxicated.

Well, that sure puts us in a lead, doesn't it? In the second round my cousin (19) was still making a pyramid when it was already the third member of our team doing it. He was the first in line in their team. Now you probably know that we won by now...

Oh, and they had a contest -- a macho dance contest. Oh my bob so help me god. My older brother (21) was a participant, and oh my lord i will never, EVER look at him in the same way again. as in NEVER. NEVER EVER. It was like my eyes were being sporked out. I was SCARRED for LIFE. Oh my bob -- he was just sooooooooo....dammit, i don't have a word for it. I was going to say disgusting but it was too strong, but then it fitted, but then i don't really know.

it was just weird (x10000000000). I don't ever want to see it again.

he won 2000 pesos for it. Still, i don't ever want to see it again. it was horrible, terrifying.

ANYWHOO -- that was just it. we'd probably have another reunion at 13, since my Lola Ely's going home from the states, and other relatives, and whatnot.

The play practices are coming soon, and i think no one's going to come. It's the holidays.

Nevertheless, I am still itching to watch Nightmare Before Christmas.

ephemeral insanity