Today and yesterday (still in my La Corda craze), I got most of the classical pieces featured in the La Corda anime. So I almost spent the day listening to Tzigane, Chaconne and violin concertos, to Partita and Vocalise, Romance in various minors and majors XD.
Listening to all that classical music got me interested again in my violin and piano. So I took an hour off my sched and practiced a few; bowing, learning a few measures of Camille Saint-Saens' The Swan. But at some point as I fiddled with the ivory keys I thought how half-hearted I was, and then Ryotaro's face came into mind.
I've been thinking that for a while now, subconsciously -- I want to do plenty of stuff, and I've tried my hand at various stuff, but somehow I have never stuck with one for so long. The longest I've stuck with a hobby is drawing, next is writing -- but when it comes to learning Japanese, the Piano or the Violin, I can definitely say that I am doing those things wholeheartedly.
I never took Japanese seriously. Not serious enough to pay for lessons and sit in a classroom and study the language seriously -- I merely study by my own, rely on various shows that I watch to pick up new words and intonations and to music that i listen to. I never had enough drive to learn to how to correctly string up a sentence, for I always follow my gut instinct when it comes to such -- If it sounds wrong, and feels wrong, then it's wrong. : O
For the piano, laziness often came up as the reason why I did not bother to continue it. I stopped during my last years of high school. I took up Violin around the same time, but I merely took a couple of lessons and dropped it in its entirety.
Looking back at my indecisiveness, I tend to wince. Why am I so lazy as to never finish anything? Never accomplish anything grand and worth noting...it's pretty sad whenever I think about it. For once in my life I want to do something exact, concise and precise -- something that I will finish, no matter what.
It is irritating whenever I think of it. What do I want to concentrate on? Art? Music? I have to make up my mind.
Before, I had a vision of what I would be. I really wanted to be a novelist; I had planned that I would work first, save up my own money then work on my novel on the side. And then if i was sucessful I'd quit my day job and continue with my novels until I died. But I don't know now, somehow I want to be a manga-ka as well, with one of my comics turning into a big-time hit Japanese Dorama. Pretty shallow, but I do want to work in the production field.
This is crazy. Even my thoughts are all jumbled up. If i want to pick something, I should take that step sooner and firmer.
Current Music: Li Xiang Qing Ren -- Rainie Yang
Labels: personal
posted by aya-chan @ 24.9.07
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